Teen Dating Violence Awareness & Prevention Month

Have you had a chat with your teen about healthy relationships recently?

Teen Dating Violence Awareness

It could be a game changer.

This month, the nationwide conversation is on teen dating violence and its prevalence in high school and university campuses. 1 in 12 students experiences abuse in a romantic relationship.

Though most South Asian parents are often in denial, the reality is a large number of teens in the South Asian community date, and many struggle with abuse in relationships (non-sexual and sexual), sometimes even at 13 years of age.

If you are the parent of a teen, you need to constantly be aware. You need to work with realities. And take abundant care.

The following narrative has been reconstructed, based on reports of interactions with young adults. ‘I’ve no idea if my relationship is healthy or not’

– My parents rarely get into intimate conversations with me. The rule is (and there are many rules!) study hard, get a good job, succeed. And of course, the often repeated ‘stay out of trouble’. That’s it. – Looking at my parents I don’t get clear ideas about how to handle my relationship. They’re from a different world. Are they good with each other? Is their relationship healthy? Can’t say! – Yes, I love and respect my parents. I desperately need their help and understanding. But I’m terrified to tell them anything.

– If they’d seriously, seriously listen, they could see how messed up I am.

– But they may dismiss it and just say – focus on your grades.

Open conversation needed on Love, Respect, Consent, Boundaries

Unsurprisingly, few adolescents appear to be sure of the constituents of a healthy relationship. Even in harmonious homes they are often unable to discern the subtle equities and balances among parents and draw up guidelines.

Parents need to strike up: open-minded conversations, keeping in mind that South Asian teens don’t have it easy especially given the pressures of society today.

They are American at school, assimilating, learning and developing very naturally in that environment. And they are lauded for their achievements. But family rules expect them to switch off at home and switch on to another persona…unless the family begins to accept and respect the value and integrity of the American layers.

Support at home empowers teens to identify and thwart abusive behaviours

The violence that teens face in their relationships may include mental abuse (coercion, manipulation, emotional blackmail, name calling, humiliation), physical and sexual violence, and/or physical and digital stalking.

In isolation, without guidance, children often can’t see the blurring of lines between right and wrong. They don’t know when and how to say stop, to call off a destructive relationship.

Ongoing dialogue with South Asian students gives social service providers insights on the conflicted lives these teens often lead, how their vulnerabilities should be addressed, and how their safety should be secured. On-campus, anti-dating violence cells exist in most universities, and organizations like Ashiyanaa provide both teens and parents counseling and guidance. However, home support is by far the greatest need today, say young South Asians.

FOR PARENTS

Teens and Dating Violence: a brief summary with watchpoints
loveisrespect.org: questions and dilemmas of teens and young adults; constituents of healthy relationships
11 Facts About Teen Dating Violence