Improving relationships with your children in a multicultural society
Most South Asian families uproot their lives and immigrate with the sole purpose of providing a brighter future for their children. However, it becomes a harsh reality check when the very principles and values they’ve held sacred in raising their kids are met with resistance and scrutiny.
You pour your heart into raising kids the “right” way – instilling all the values and traditions woven into your culture, values that have been precious gemstones passed down for generations. But then your children hit their teenage years, and those ancient wisdoms start sounding like antiquated rules, with your kids questioning or rejecting the very customs and beliefs that seemed so self-evident.
The tug-of-war between preserving your heritage and allowing your children to embrace modern perspectives is a constant battle, leaving you wondering….. why can’t they understand the beauty of these traditions?
Parental response to the new environment
Parental response to the new environmentMany immigrant parents, fearing erosion of ethnic identity, often become more observant and strict about cultural mores in the home. Feeling anxious about cultural conflict they also become more protective of the children. Always conscious of the child/children living up to their immigrant dreams, high school grades become the family goal, and there is little time or exposure to more social activities and people. The home becomes an island. The child must traverse from this world to the other reality of school, readjusting affiliation, and trying to reset posture from sheltered child to confident student achiever. It is tough. Very tough.
At some point, your child may question: If you truly love me, why don’t you let me be who I am?
The learning foundation of the parents. And of the children.
It’s a well-known fact that the formative years of growing up play a pivotal role in shaping an individual’s personality and values.
This is true for immigrant parents, who imbibed values and traditions in their home country, influenced by family and community peers. In due course they founded their principles of parenting based on their own learning and experiences, in a very different environment from the present.
Children absorb cultural influences far more swiftly than adults, intuitively recognizing that their lives will be governed by an environment vastly different from what their parents experienced growing up. However, the values instilled at home form a deeply embedded framework that regulates how they ultimately absorb or reject those external influences. Their upbringing lays the foundational scale against which new ideas and norms are weighed, shaping the extent to which they integrate or resist the world around them.
Trust children’s inherent wisdom
There are so many struggles to succeed and survive in a new environment. Immigrant parents are always balancing priorities – home, work, family. Children understand all this, absolutely. When approached with love, understanding, and open conversation, children will inherently strive to uphold family integrity and strengthen familial bonds. Preserving this sacred connection should be a paramount priority for all families.
Nurture open dialogue patiently
We explored many of the young voices online and one stands out:
“Don’t compare or reference your experiences growing up in South Asia years ago to your kids’ experience growing up in America. Being a kid is hard no matter where you live, but being a brown kid in America is a uniquely complex experience. I think more South Asian parents need to learn how to empathize with their kids’ experiences of growing up, instead of being disappointed that they’re not more like their parents.”
There are so many more feelings and we encourage parents to find out. We thought this Reddit page was interesting.
Opening up: A two-way street
Ashiyanaa has been talking to many South Asian parents who face problems. Strong family ties are so critical to all the people who come to America to make a new life. We come from the same cultural background, whether you are from Afghanistan, Bhutan, Bangladesh, India, Nepal, Pakistan or Sri Lanka and understand the parenting imperatives.
We are happy to talk to you, in your language, and help you bring you closer with your children.
Reach out by calling the Ashiyanaa helpline, on 1-888-417-2742.
