You need your family even more as you age. But is it possible that your children and grandchildren may not feel that way about you? Can this happen, to you, a parent?
Family roles shift gradually as years roll on, the next generation becomes the caregiver. Even if you are in good health and are independent, it’s certain that you won’t always be in step with the lives of your offspring, driven as they are by the vibrant world around them.
You may hear this too often: You just don’t understand!
South Asian lives are enriched by a strong cultural inheritance. In the face of a vastly different culture in an adopted land, most South Asians secure themselves with known values, beliefs and traditions, immersing themselves in rearing families within this preciously preserved environment.
But the children step out. Parents try to call the shots even as the children absorb what is good and necessary for them from the outside world.
At some point, the space between parents and offspring increases, the latter stop listening or sharing their lives. They haven’t stopped loving their Mum and Dad, it’s just that both generations are living in different biospheres.
And the parents?
Well, they just don’t understand.
Living at home with your children, you shouldn’t ache with loneliness.
Barriers and distances are of one’s own making. Imposing hard to follow models of family authority and obedience can only create chasms. No amount of helping with house chores or pitching in with finances can bridge gaps. It’s your perspective that may need to adapt.
Difficult? Not as much as you think.
To start with, live in the present
Yearning for the good old days and ways is your story, not your children’s. Comparisons are a sure way of making children feel defensive about being seen as inadequate.
Embrace the vitality about you. Get curious about pop culture, watch the Washington Nationals, even the Grammys.
Try to learn as much as possible about what matters to your children and grandchildren and maybe even educate yourself on the best ways to dye your hair.
How do you see yourself?
In the old family model, the mother dedicated herself to family, that’s it. The father was the authority. But in the world your children inhabit, seniors live full lives in their own individual capacities.
How do you see yourself? It could be hard to declare and follow interests that had been suppressed earlier – the time is ripe now. Travel Blogger? Photography? Volunteering? Radio agony aunt? Catering?
Assertion of individual interests may be an uphill event, but the more you do, the happier you will be and the greater the respect you will earn from your family. Go for it.
Lessen social dependency on your family
Most working people follow pressured schedules and lives. Coming home to a happy parent is a pleasure. A healthy social life is the key for seniors to feel fulfilled and positive. There are so many ways to achieve this.
– Consider joining a senior center which hosts multi-cultural groups.
– Integrate with your neighborhood. You may be pleasantly surprised.
– Connect with Ashiyanaa for our senior socialization programs, such as Chai & Chat.
Talk to us
We are focused on helping South Asian seniors lead a dignified and self-reliant life. We’ll be happy to talk with you and give you guidance, in total confidence.
Call on our toll free Helpline 1-888-417-2742.
